In this list, I will explain the top 11 ways to get out of a traffic ticket. Who am I to have this super awesome knowledge? Well, cops surround my life. I have family members who are cops, I’ve been on numerous ride-alongs, and more importantly, I’ve asked them about this after buying them several rounds of shots at the bar to loosen them up. I’m also a certified driving instructor and was an over the road truck driver for several years. Trust me, I know what I’m talking about.
#11 – Start Crying… Uncontrollably
If you’re a cop, you’re probably saying to yourself right now, “this guy doesn’t know what he’s talking about. Crying never works with me!” Ah… yeah, it does. For some reason, cops hate to admit that crying helps and maybe for some cops it doesn’t. But of all the ride-alongs I’ve been on and of all the conversations I’ve had with drunk cop family members, crying does indeed improve your chances of escaping a traffic ticket. In fact, it works amazingly well.
But the real question is, does it work if you’re a guy? YES! It does! It may even work better!
There are limitations, however. First of all, if you’re going to cry, you better make some tears. Faking it will probably make your situation even worse. So think about your dead gold fish if you have to, just work up some real tears and make it a good show. Don’t hold back. It seems the more inconsolable you are the better. The other problem you face is the nature of your traffic crime. If you were going 10mph over the speed limit, you’re lookin’ pretty good. If you were driving the wrong way on a divided highway after doing meth and chugging vodka straight from the bottle with a trail of dead bodies behind you, crying may not be sufficient.
#10 – The Ol’ Bathroom Emergency
No seriously, this works too. But again, you better make it look real because it’s not the first time the officer has heard the “I have to go to the bathroom REAL bad” excuse. It’s actually a pretty common excuse and cops hardly ever fall for it. The trick here is to seriously make a huge deal about it. Squirm around, grab your crotch, tell the officer you’ve had the flu and have it coming out every hole, and if you can, be graphic. Really graphic. Now, here’s the trick. The officer will likely still want to run your drivers license. They always do that. When the officer returns to his or her patrol car, don’t stop acting! In fact, step it up! This is it. The moment the cop decides to let you go or write you up. If he looks out his windshield and you’re calmly sitting there doing nothing, he’ll be thinking, “yeah right.” But if you’re in obvious distress, there’s a decent chance he’ll cut you a break simply to let you take care of your “emergency.”
#9 – Have A Really, Really, Really Good Joke Ready
Ultimately, the officer will ask you something like, “why were you driving so fast?” This is your make or break moment, so first of all, why does a cop ask you that? First, he is trying to build a case against you. The moment you admit you may have been speeding or didn’t know how fast you were going, you have almost no chance of winning in court should you decide to fight it. The cop is also trying to find out if you’re nervous, on drugs or alcohol, or just seem suspicious. The cop is also prepared for one of the same old excuses he hears all day every day. So if you make up a great joke about why you were speeding and actually make the cop laugh, you have a great chance of getting off entirely. What if you kept a straight face and replied with, “sorry officer, I was trying to successfully escape from robbing a bank.” Now, the officer is either going to laugh, make sure you’re not being serious, or rip you out of the vehicle. If it’s the first two, you’ll probably get off with a warning. Although I’d probably make up a joke that doesn’t involve a fake crime.
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#8 – Have A Really, Really, Really Good Excuse Ready
Believe it or not, a good excuse does help. And no, this does not include the “I wasn’t paying attention” excuse or the “I’m late for work” excuse. Those are sure ways to get yourself a ticket. But what if you were late to a funeral? What if you are the best man for a wedding and you’re running late? What if your little brother is graduating and you’re missing it or your grandma was just admitted to the hospital? See where I’m going with this? Now, whether you want to lie or not is another story. All I’m sayin’ is you better have a darn good excuse for doing whatever you did, because police officers listen to lies and excuses all day every day. Oh, and be ready for follow up questions. If you get caught in a lie, there will be no mercy!
#7 – Be Brutally Honest
Yeah, I know. In the last one it sounded like I was trying to convince you to lie. If that doesn’t sit right with your ethical standards, you can opt for the opposite approach – being totally 100% brutally honest. If a cop asks you, “do you know why I pulled you over?” you can simply respond with, “yes sir, because I was speeding and I’m really sorry.” Believe it or not, this works and it works really well. This applies to other violations, too. “Yes sir, because I made a right on a red back there and I’m not supposed to” or “because I made a u-turn back there where it says no u-turns.” What’s interesting is if you use an excuse like that, the chances of you ever winning in court if you decide to fight it is pretty much zero. But, this technique probably works better than any other I’ve seen. Simply admitting to what you were doing and apologizing for it.
But WHY does this work so well? First of all, when an officer hears somebody acknowledging their mistake and apologizing for it, that is like music to their ears. Instead of being lied to, FINALLY one person is being open, kind, and honest! It also shows that you were in control of your vehicle. The worst thing is to say “I wasn’t paying attention” because that pretty much proves you were being negligent. At least with this excuse, you admit that you knew you were speeding.
Now, if you were going more than 15mph over the speed limit or did something really bad like pass a stopped school bus, this may not work as well. But for simple traffic infractions, give this a shot and see how it works. You might be surprised.
#6 – Get Pulled Over In Your Home Town
If you live in the same city or town where you got pulled over, you are much more likely to get out of a traffic ticket than anywhere else. So, if you’re going to drive like a maniac, do it in your own town. I don’t know exactly why this is, but every cop I’ve ever gone on a ride along with has told me this. Again, this is not the case for bigger violations. If you get stopped for DUI, for example, you’re not going to get any special treatment. But, if it’s a simple traffic violation, you’re already ahead of the ball. Just don’t mess up with a crappy excuse.
#5 – Make The Officer Feel Comfortable
Traffic stops might be “routine” work for police officers, but it is also one of the most dangerous tasks they perform. When you get stopped, there are certain things you can do to help make the officer feel more comfortable (if you choose). The first thing you’ll want to do is make it easy to look inside your vehicle. Roll your window down and if you have tinted windows, roll those down, too. If it is at night, turn on the dome light. It’s also good practice to shut your vehicle off and put both hands on the steering wheel. Before you go digging into the glove box or storage areas for your license and registration, let the officer know where you’ll be digging before you do it. An officer that feels more comfortable is less likely to write a ticket than a stressed out cop, so be the least threatening as possible.
#4 – Pull To The RIGHT!
If there is one thing cops hate on traffic stops, it’s when people pull to the left shoulder or into a median. It’s one of the biggest peeves they have. When a cop gets behind you, pull to the RIGHT. If you pull over into a median or the left shoulder, they will almost certainly write you a ticket because they are aggravated with you. I’m not sure why it matters so much, but it must have something to do with safety because cops just hate it when you don’t pull to the right. Even if you’re on a big highway and are in the left lane, just start signaling to the right and work your way over. As long as the officer knows you saw him and it looks like you’re making a good effort to move over, he’s not going to care if it takes a little bit. Just whatever you do, pull to the right.
#3 – Start Coughing And Sound Really Sick
I was on a ride along with a traffic enforcement officer once and we pulled a woman over going 8mph over the limit through a construction zone. This particular officer was very strict through this construction zone and wrote pretty much everyone he pulled over a ticket. Well, this particular woman was having a coughing fit. We could see and hear her coughing all the way from the squad car and it was bad. As the officer approached the car, she was coughing into her hands and then once he reached the window, he tried to hand him her license. The officer said, “never mind” and walked away. I was impressed!
#2 – Recite A Poem Or Sing To The Officer
Contrary to popular belief, most cops do not particularly enjoy writing traffic tickets to people. Traffic laws are a necessary evil in our society and that’s how they see it, too. Just a part of the job. But for the most part, writing traffic tickets isn’t fun, exciting, or interesting. So, make it interesting! Turn a rather mundane and un-fun task into something they won’t forget. Now, this takes some preparation, but could get you out of a traffic ticket almost every time. Before the officer returns to his car, find a way to recite a poem about how awesome police officers are or how sorry you are for breaking a traffic law. Try to make it rhyme, that’s key. If you have an especially good voice you can sing a funny song about getting pulled over or how you’re broke and can’t afford a ticket. If you lighten up the mood enough, it just might earn you a free pass.
#1 – Ignore All Of The Terrible Advice On This List
If you want to do it the “right way” and listen to the lawyers, you should say as little as possible, never admit any wrong doing, and hire them to go to court for you. And actually, this usually works. Problem is, you still have to pay for a lawyer.
If you do get a ticket but haven’t had one in a little while, chances are pretty good you can complete an online traffic school to have the ticket totally dismissed. This is the most expensive way to get out of a traffic ticket, but is unfortunately the route most of us have to take.